A Mix Up To Put It Mildly
by Measured
Summary: Merlin accidentally gives Arthur the wrong potion. This can't go well. Two cracky takes on a theme. Arthur/Merlin.


Title: A Mix Up (To Put It Mildly)  
Series: Merlin  
Character/Pairing: Arthur/Merlin  
Rating: PG-13  
Author's note: comment_fic: Merlin, Arthur/Merlin, Merlin gives Arthur the wrong kind of potion.. The two takes are unrelated, ala 'five things' stories.

1.

The potion he'd handed was downed quickly. It was a milky white potion, with a very sweet enticing smell, which was a bit unusual, given that most of the potions were vile affairs which barely stayed down after drinking them. This one, smelled so good that Merlin almost wanted to jokingly ask if there was any left for him as well.

Merlin stared at him a long time, waiting for some word on his condition. Arthur stared back, his gaze growing more and more intense.

"What? It worked, right? No more poison?" Merlin said hopefully.

"Marry me," Arthur said in a tone so deadpan, so unemotional that Merlin expected some follow up of _that's what I'd say if this were a love potion. It's an antidote. Of course it worked._

"This is no time for joking! The potion seems to have worked, though."

"_Marry me_."

"Wait, no. You're serious?"

Arthur stared at him. Suddenly his intense gaze, even passionate, really, made sense.

Oh no. It couldn't be. He was entirely serious. He was stepping closer with sex in his eyes.

Damn.

"Oh. I'm–I've got to go tell Gaius it worked."

Merlin fled.

**.**

"Prince Arthur is proposing to me. What on Earth did you put in that potion?"

Gaius sat back, thoughtfully. "The antidote was made from Venus Bloom root. Previous reports had said that only the flowers caused love... it seems we have found that the root too, works in the same way. We've changed the history of science here, Merlin."

"Yes, that's great and all but I need an antidote!"

"There is no antidote for a potion made from the Venus Bloom. The effects are permanent and quite potent."

"No antidote? What do you man there's no antidote? Arthur is out there wanting to make me his queen!"

"Well, I could give you some of the potion so you too will be crazily in love with him and overjoyed to be his queen," Gaius said. There were trace amounts of amusement in his voice, as if it was taking some doing not to break out laughing.

"I'll pass, thanks."

"Really, would it be so bad to marry him?" Gaius said.

"...have you been talking to the Dragon lately?"

"I do take tea with him from time to time," Gaius admitted.

"...that explains a lot, really."

**.**

Merlin burst in to cave, his torch flicking in front of him.

"Dragon! Dragon! Arthur is the victim of an accidental love potion – He, he's madly in love with me and there is no cure –"

The dragon grinned. This was rather disconcerting given that his teeth were very, very sharp and such a large grin meant that he got quite a look at them.

"I heard."

He seemed entirely too satisfied with himself.

"...why am I even asking you? You'd probably go on about us being destined and two sides of the same coin and how perfect for each other we are," Merlin sighed.

"Why indeed," the dragon said.

"But...I don't want King Uther to be my father-in-law!" Merlin said despondently. "Can you _imagine_ those family dinners?"

"Is that your only complaint?" The dragon said, with much amusement.

"Well, no. Arthur is an arse and he's always ordering me about. He gets on my nerves...even if I would give my life for him and can't imagine spending the rest of my days anywhere else."

"You sound like a married couple already," the dragon said jovially.

Knowing the inevitable, Merlin sighed again. At least he'd finally get to taste the sweet smelling drink for himself and accept his fate as Arthur's Bitch forever and ever now.

"The Venus Bloom, eh..." The Dragon mused. "It only works if there is already a building block to work on, meaning that all it did was release his inhibitions."

The dragon made a sound much like a cackling and flew away.

2.

After the potion had been administered, Merlin waited with baited breath. He only left Prince Arthur's side when ordered to fetch him some water. When he returned, Prince Arthur had a quizzical expression on his face. He pressed his hands to Arthur's forehead to find that the fever had gone, though Arthur had taken to feeling his own chest with a look of mounting horror.

"I have breasts," Arthur said.

"What? I'm not sure I quite heard you–"

"I _have breasts_."

Arthur opened up his shirt to reveal a sizeable amount of cleavage

Merlin stared, as if entranced. He wasn't in the habit of staring at women's breasts, but then up until a short while ago, Arthur hadn't had any.

"And you're completely female – right – this isn't just some anomaly—"

"Of course I'm all female! Do you want me to pull down my pants and show you?"

"No– That's alright. I believe you."

(Though there was a part inside that was saying _yes_.)

"But...aren't you the least bit curious?"

"Curious about what?" Arthur said.

"About...about what it's like to be a girl. And do girl things. You know."

"You mean sex?"

"Not, not specifically. No, really. I mean. Well, the things that make up a girl?" Merlin said.

"Well what else is there? The joys of getting my cycle, bearing a child and sitting down to piss?"

"Ne-never mind," Merlin said.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?"

Merlin's blush gave him away quite well.

"Fine, we'll wait to call Gaius until after I've deflowered you."

"Wait, what– Deflowered me?" Merlin said, aghast.

"Really. You think you can resist a body like this?" Arthur admired his --_her_ new breasts, which she apparently didn't find so horrific after the shock had worn off.

"I might not call Gaius at all, actually."


End file.
